


Overworked and Under-appreciated

by Multifandom_damnation



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Affectionate Insults, Alex Danvers & Winn Schott Jr. Friendship, Alien Bar (Supergirl TV 2015), Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety Disorder, Background Relationships, Changing Tenses, Dark Past, Dreams and Nightmares, Drinking & Talking, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Repressed, Fear of Death, Food Issues, Gen, Heart-to-Heart, Heartache, Heavy Drinking, Minor Lena Luthor/James "Jimmy" Olsen, Minor Original Character(s), Overworking, Panic Attacks, Past Relationship(s), Protective Alex Danvers, Protectiveness, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Doubt, Sleep Deprivation, Sleepovers, The DEO | Department of Extra-Normal Operations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-07
Updated: 2018-11-07
Packaged: 2019-08-20 00:17:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16545113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Multifandom_damnation/pseuds/Multifandom_damnation
Summary: Fear and Pain are unstoppable forces that grip unsuspecting and undeserving victims in their clutches and drag them down into dark, endless pits filled with loathing and despair, so deep that no light shines hope down to the bottom and there is no escape.Alex and James are not going to let that happen to such a loyal and hardworking person such as Winn, and despite his attempts to keep his Fear and his Pain hidden from their sight, they easily see past his grim facade and will stop at nothing to prove to him that he is not alone in his battles and that they will always, for now, and forever, be there for him when he needs them the most.





	Overworked and Under-appreciated

When Alex enters the bar, she looks around and past all the dancing bodies of humans and aliens alike until her eyes settle on a single figure seated at a small table in the dark, eyes fixed distantly on a corner crowded by dancing aliens, a tall drink being nursed in his hand.

Pushing her way through the many sweaty, bouncing bodies, Alex orders a drink from the sweet man tending the bar and waits, eyeing the corner full of dancing people that has her friend so entranced. She can’t pick anyone noticeable out of the crowd and decides he’s just staring aimlessly into space and that he needs the company, so she takes her drink with a smile, plucks a straw from the dispenser and makes her way carefully through the crowd.

She isn’t noticed until she slides into the seat beside him and playfully hisses “ _Winn_ ,” making him jump and send his drink sloshing around the glass, foam slinking down the sides. “What are you doing here in the dark?”

“Waiting for you,” Winn gasped eventually, holding a hand over his heart. “Jesus, I hate when you scare me like that. It’s not polite. It’s not fun on my side, and I know you find it enjoyable but it’s spooky.”

Alex let him ramble and get it all out of his system, knowing it was his way of calming himself down after entering a stressful situation. When he finally ran out of words to say, he picked his drink up again and brought it to his lips. Alex spies another glass off to the side and wonders how often Winn has come here alone to drink and ponder if he’s moved on from getting drunk off half a glass of beer to polishing off his second mug without a sweat. “That still doesn’t explain why you’re in a dark corner.” Alex pointed out gently, knowing that Winn doesn’t open up right away. “You could have picked any table in here for us to meet, not a corner without lightbulb.”

Instead of answering, Winn took another drink, eyeing the jukebox in the corner that had just started playing another rendition of _‘Carry on my Wayward Son.’_ “You work for the D.E.O.” Winn shrugged eventually. “I thought you’d like to be hidden in the dark, away from people who could see you.”

Looking around, Alex was aware that they were in the only darkened area of the bar and wondered if Winn had intentionally taken the lightbulb above them out himself to have his own private area of silence. “Oh, that’s a nice thought. But I’m fine, really. Let’s go sit somewhere else.” Alex grabbed her bag in preparation to stand.

“I uh, I’m actually fine here.” Winn protested, stiffening up and tightening his grip on his glass.

Nodding instantly, Alex settled back down and placed her bag on the chair beside her, drinking long and deep from her glass. The condensation was cold and slick against her fingers. “One of those days, huh? I know the feeling. Where you want to be surrounded by society but also want to be invisible at the same time.”

From Winn’s sigh, Alex had obviously hit the nail on the head and she felt him relax beside her. “Yeah, that.” His eyes drifted back to the corner filled with dancing people. “Also _that_ ,”

Alex had to squint to see what- or who- Winn was talking about, but when she spotted Lyra dancing in the centre of the group she sat back against her chair in understanding. “You don’t want her to know you’re here.”

“The last time I saw her she told me I shouldn’t still be here when she came back from the bathroom.” Winn sighed. There was a sadness to him that Alex wasn’t used to, a tired depression that rested hauntingly beneath his bones. He might not even know it’s there, Alex reasoned and ran her finger around the rim of her glass as Winn spoke. “I mean; I shouldn’t have been surprised. It always ends eventually- Siobhan, Lyra, Kara. I should probably just stop trying now, huh?”

“You can’t think like that, Winn,” Alex placed a hand on his shoulder and he seemed to melt at the touch and Alex was reminded once again of how affectionate Winn normally was and how everything she had seen so far was out of character for him- no hug when she sat down, no pat on the back as he told his joke, no brushing up against her for comfort during his speech about love. It was unsettling. “It’ll just make you feel like crap, and then where would you be?”

“Yeah, I know, but that’s not really the reason I’m back here.” Winn licked the residual feeling of beer-foam from his lips. “You were right the first time. I don’t want to be alone but I don’t want to be with anyone.”

“Has anything, in particular, brought this on or is this just one of those days?” Alex asked. She understood, both her and Winn had days like this- the kind where the silence of their own home was too empty and the crowded spaces of the public eye were too much of a suffocating intrusion to stand being in for long. No wonder he was back here.

“I suppose a bit of both,” Winn admitted, “But mostly just one of those days.”

A sudden thought hit Alex and she mentally kicked herself for not thinking about it much earlier. “Hey, do you need me to leave? I mean, I completely understand if today is one of your bad days, so I’d be happy to go- “

Rolling his eyes, Winn placed a hand on her arm to make sure she stayed. “Don’t be stupid. You can stay. Maybe it’s better, anyway. I don’t know if I want to be completely alone at the moment.”

Alex nudged him with her shoulder and the smile he sent back at her was small- too small to belong to Winn. Something was definitely wrong. “You know I’m always here to talk if you need me, yeah?”

Quickly, Winn changed the subject. “You know, I never had an appreciation for beer and alcohol until that one time Kara got drunk. Do you remember that? It was her first time and the next day she thought the D.E.O was going to fire her.”

Before, she was perfectly happy to have Winn guide this meeting and let him talk about whatever he needed, but now Alex knew that was never going to happen. “Winn, I know something’s wrong. Tell me what it is, or this whole meeting was pointless.”

“Hey, you invited me.” Winn pointed out and yes, he was right, but Alex was too determined with her quest to admit that. Winn often said that Alex was scary and intimidating when she needed to be, so she watches him wilt the longer she stares at him with narrowed eyes. Eventually, he gulps and drags his glass half-filled with amber liquid closer to him, the bottom of the glass scrapping on the sticky wooden table. “I’ve uh, I’ve been having panic attacks. Again.”

“Winn,” Alex sighed, not in annoyance or frustration but in concern. “You could have told us, we could have helped. Do you have them often?” Eyes glued to his glass, Winn nodded. “When was the last time you had one?”

Winn shrugged. “This morning when I woke up and one on my way here.” Alex sent him a look and Winn tried to ignore it. “I had a really bad dream last night that carried on to this morning and there’s a really big toy-store on the way and it always makes me think of… _him_.” The last word was said with hate and disgust and Alex understood.

“Are your nightmares about him too?” Alex asked and watches the pain and anguish ripple across his face like a wave.

“Not just him,” Winn admits quietly. “Mum leaving me. Kara dying. You dying. J’onn dying. Lena being assassinated. James dying. Mon-el dy-“

Alex cuts him off with a hand over his mouth. “Ok, I get it.” Slowly, she pulled her hand away and Winn pressed his lips tightly shut. “I feel like this is a conversation we need to have over a meal. Stay here, I’m going to go get us some chicken wings. Do you want anything else?” Winn held up his almost empty glass and Alex nodded in recognition.

It’s strange- Alex is too unused to the seriousness and the pain emanating from Winn to be able to place it, to understand what’s going on. Never has he kept panic attacks a secret from them, never has he dodged Alex’s questioning, never pretending his nightmares didn't happen and never in his life ordered many tall glasses of beer to calm his frayed nerves.

She’d be lying if Alex said she wasn’t worried. While she waited on their order of chicken wings and another glass of beer, she watched Winn hunch his shoulders in and put his head down, making himself look smaller than normal. Alex knew what he was doing- making himself diminutive made him more protected, an unimportant target and a less interesting threat. Now that Alex thought back on it, it was something Winn seemed to be doing more often, even at the D.E.O. It pained Alex to see her lovable, eccentric friend who was always smiling reduced to a nervous, shaky mess.

As she walked back to the table with the bowl of chicken wings in one hand and another glass of beer in the other, Alex watched as Winn tried unsuccessfully to politely ask a few drunk aliens that Alex couldn’t identify to leave him be. Alex set the bowl down and said, “ _Scram_ ” and with a grumble they did. Alex sat back into her seat and pushed the bowl closer to Winn, handing him the glass. He gratefully took it and brought it gratefully to his lips. “You alright?”

“Eh, nothing I'm not used to already,” Winn shrugged reaching for the chicken wings. “You know; I haven’t actually eaten today so this is probably the best breakfast I’ve ever had.”

Despite the unnerving new information, Alex had to laugh. “I don’t think it works like that.”

Smiling for the first time since she sat down, Winn pointed at her with his chicken wing currently held in sauce-covered fingers. “But you don’t _know_ , and that means it could be true.” He brought the chicken wing to his mouth and took a larger than necessary bite, smearing sauce all over his lips which he wiped off with the back of his hand.

Alex loathed to break the quiet they had between them, filled with humour and amusement and all the friendly company they could ever want or need, but Alex could see it in the shake of his fingers when he reached for his glass or the way his eyes darted away quickly whenever their eyes met. “Winn,” She said gently, placing her hand over his, down on the table. “You know you can talk to me. You know I’ll always be here for you. I’m always here to listen.”

Huffing, Winn put his glass back down and wiped his fingers on a napkin. “There’s a lot to get through if you want me to tell you everything with complete honesty.”

Turning to face him, Alex put her elbow on the back of her chair and her chin in her hand and watched the complex emotions that were so, undeniably Winn shoot across her friends face; apprehension, fear, relief, reassurance, confidence, determination. “I’ve got time,” She said sweetly, urging Winn to speak with her eyes. “Hit me.”

Sighing, Winn banged his head on the wall behind him, hand still wrapped around the cool, grounding smoothness of the glass. “It’s like the whole world is crashing down on me, you know? Like, one moment everything is OK and I’m functioning like normal and the next it feels like the world is ending and I’m in the centre of the apocalypse.” He made a gesture that Alex only vaguely understood. “Some days I can deal with it and others it’s just overwhelming.”

When Winn didn’t speak for a little while, Alex almost believed that he was finished, but she could see the way his eyes darted around and his mouth quivered as if resisting the urge to open and speak. “Is that all?” She prompted.

Eventually, Winn ran a hand down his face. “The day’s just keep getting harder.” He muttered, barely being heard over the loud laughter and music occupying the rest of the bar. “I mean, I put in so much effort every day and for what? Nobody cares about what I do. Nobody even knows I do it. I come into work every day, even when I’m really not feeling up to it at all, and people hardly notice even though it was a big achievement for me, just to be there in the first place. I feel like nobody cares about the work I do and the things I make.”

Alex wanted to butt in and tell Winn how wrong he was about all of that, but she was only here to listen, so that is what she did and she let him continue in her answering silence. “It’s hard to wake up in the mornings. And fall asleep at nighttime. My mum leaving me is the last thing I think of at night and my dad killing a bunch of people is the first thing I wake up to. It scares me sometimes; you know? He told me we were alike. Linked. And being anything like him scares me so much that I try and bottle all my anger and resentment and hatred up where nobody can find them in fear that one day I’m going to snap like he did and I’ll turn out no better than him. But it’s hard. Everything is so _hard_. I wear my emotions on my sleeve, Alex, you know that. Sometimes my emotions just don’t stay in the box I’ve locked them in.”

Quietly, Alex placed a reassuring hand on Winn's arm when unshed tears pricked in his eyes. He reached up and fisted his hands roughly in his hair. "Kara used to be my best friend, you know? We were so close and now with everything that’s going on with the D.E.O and the criminals she needs to fight on a daily basis, it feels like I never see her. I haven't been able to hang out with 'Kara Danvers' in ages and Supergirl hardly even knows I'm around."  
  
Taking a sip of his beer, Winn took a moment to collect his thoughts in silence. Alex gave him the silence, gave him as long as he needed, and reached for the bowl of chicken wings. Eventually, Winn wrapped his fingers around the edge of the table and took a shaking breath. "I feel like nobody cares about me anymore. Nobody wants me. Mum didn't care enough about me to stick around and dad didn't even think about me when he got himself shipped off to prison. It hurts, Alex. It really does, more than I usually like to admit."  
  
Sighing, Alex wiped her hands on a napkin and reached around Winn, pulling him up against him. "I know some days it all seems hopeless and like the world is always against you, but I promise Winn, someday soon it'll all get better. And I'll be right here when it does. So will Kara and James and J'onn and everyone else.” She placed a gentle kiss on his hair and Winn hummed in appreciation at the gesture. “And you know I’ll always be here to talk to, right? You may be a pain sometimes, but I’m never leaving you, Winn. You’re like the annoying little brother I never knew I wanted.”

Winn nudged his head gently against Alex’s chin as he tilted his head to look up at her. “Aww shucks, that’s so sweet.” The smile he sent her was small yet genuine. “Thanks for that, though. I think I really needed it.” He checked his watch. “Oh man, it’s actually pretty late. I guess we should go home for the night.”

Smiling, Alex let him up. “You’re not driving are you?” She asked, concerned.

Scoffing, Winn rolled his eyes at her. “Please, I’m very cautious, as you know. Besides, I walked for a reason.”

“Are you sure you don’t want a lift?” Alex watched as Winn grabbed his phone and his wallet, double checked his pockets for his house keys and the rest of his belonging’s before he stood up and slid away from the table. “It’s really no trouble, your apartment is on the way. I don’t want you having to pass the toy store again if you’re going to have another panic attack.”

Turning to leave, Winn only shrugged. “I’ll have to pass it anyway, whether I’m walking or driving. But if anything happens, I’ll give you a call.” When he reached the door, over his shoulder he called back to Alex. “See you tomorrow!”

Breathing a slow sigh of relief through her nose, Alex downed the rest of her glass and the last dregs of Winn’s before she stood up and made her own way home.

* * *

The next night, Winn left the D.E.O unusually early and after biding J’onn and Alex goodbye and sending Kara a farewell message over the coms, he turned off his computer, picked up his jacket, and made his way out the facility.

Alex grabbed James’ arm as he passed her, pointing her chin in the direction of Winn’s receding back and asked, “Are you as worried about him as I am?”

“Oh good,” James replied, turning with crossed arms to face the double doors Winn had just walked out of. “I’m not the only one who’s noticed.”

“I’ve got to wrap up here, keep an eye on Kara,” Alex explained, a hint of desperate pleading in her voice that she was surprised to hear. By James’ raised eyebrow, so was he. “Would you mind paying him a visit tonight and check up on him? We talked a lot at the bar yesterday but I don’t think it helped as much as I had hoped.”

Nodding, James grabbed his jacket and his camera bag from the back of a chair and smiled at Alex. “Sure thing. I’ll talk to you tomorrow and fill you in with whatever details I get out of him tonight.” Alex smiled and waved him off.

* * *

 When James knocks on the door to Winn’s apartment an hour later, Winn calling from out from the inside to let him know to just walk in, James automatically twists the handle and opens the door and enters into the loft that feels as familiar and comforting as his own, the steps he takes to place his bags on the kitchen bench and make his way to the couch where Winn is sitting are repetitive and the same every time he's been here. “Hey man,” James sinks into the couch next to Winn.

There’s a bowl of cereal in his hand, no milk which means he’s run out of it again, and if James was to judge by the time, it was Winn’s dinner. “Hey,” Winn puts the spoon down into the bowl. “Let me guess, Kara sent you? I probably did something wrong and I deserve a stern talking to.”

“Come on man, you know Kara is entirely capable of coming to see you herself.” James shakes his head, a smile on his lips. “Actually, it was Alex. We wanted to see how you were doing, that’s all.”

“Ah ha!” Winn shouted, pointing his spoon at James, who raised his arms in mock surrender. “I knew it was one of them. She was going to be my second guess. The Danvers sisters are always pulling stunts like this.”

Now that James was next to him, he took a long look a Winn: a large fluffy blanket was wrapped around his shoulders and across his lap, he was wearing a pair of too-big Star Wars pyjamas and a pair of bunny slippers that James had never seen before. His hair was a mess against his scalp and there were shadows under his eyes that were deeper and darker than James had ever seen them. “Yeah well, I don’t know if I can blame them.” His eyes turned to the TV where live security footage of National City was playing in a loop on the screen. “You sure you’re ok? You look a little worn down, and I thought that when you clock off from the day, that means you actually go home and relax, not keep doing exactly the thing you were doing at work but in your PJs.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine, just burning the midnight oil to find this week’s new big bad.” Winn shoved another spoonful of cereal into his mouth and, to James’ dismay, spoke with his mouth full. “I thought that it'd be easier and more time sensitive if I just hooked the security feeds up here. You know- instead of having to stay overnight at the D.E.O to keep track of it, I can stay overnight on my couch and do the exact same thing. Seemed more efficient to me.”

“You know what they say- if you work where you sleep you start associating the place you sleep with work.” James joked, placing both his arms on the back of the couch and looked sideways at a now yawning Winn. “How long have you been at this?”

Looking up as if confused, Winn blinked. “Uh, a week, maybe?”. Knowing this was normal Winn behaviour, James tried not to freak out or panic but the information was still extremely disturbing to him. “Not too sure, really, but don’t worry- I’ve been up for longer than this. And it’s only been a week! My last security camera adventure lasted a month.”

Sighing, James ran a hand down his face and turned to stare at Winn who was bouncing in his seat with his bowl of cereal his eyes glued to the black and white screen. “You know Winn, I remember a time when you promised me to look after yourself and actually did it without prompting.” He waved a hand around the room, so unlike the Winn he knew. Blankets and towels and discarded items of clothing littered the once sterile floor, shoes were kicked randomly instead at of their spot by the door, empty pizza and cereal boxes on the coffee table, cans and bottles of beer stacked beside the instant coffee and the many already used coffee mugs. “This doesn’t look too much like taking care of yourself to me.”

Dismissing James’ worry with an absent wave of his hand, Winn pointed his spoon at the TV, where the feeds were exactly the same as they were before. “Nah, I’m fine. I’ve got enough coffee to keep me going for ages and I’ve decided to clean up when this is all done.” He lifted up the tablet that James hadn’t noticed until now and pointed at one of the cameras. James realised that it was the surveillance of the day National City’s new bad guy popped up. “I’ve got the cameras under control, J’onn and Alex are on speed-dial if I find anything, which I doubt, and as soon as I get the right info I’ll turn it all off and take a nice long nap.” Satisfied, Winn shoved a definitive spoonful of cereal into his mouth as his own reward for his plan.

Chuckling softly under his breath, James reached over and pulled Winn’s head until he rested on James’ shoulder. “You know man; your work ethic is crazy. I don’t know anyone who puts so much effort into their work. Hell, I don’t even think I do at CatCo.”

“Well, someone has to do it,” Winn yawned “And I’m just the only shmuck who knows what he’s doing and also knows enough about it.” He sleepily ran the back of his hand over his eyes. “It’s all I’m good for anyway.”

Frowning, James looked down at his friend, now leaning comfortably against his chest, eyes glued to the screen and hands loosely holding he bowl of cereal. “You know Winn, I’m always here if you want to talk or get something off of your chest.” A Winn’s eye roll that said he had heard this exact same speech many times already, he hurriedly added, “Or you know, if you just need a friend and some company. I know what feeling lonely does to a person over a long period of time, so if you ever need me to stay and just be there, I will.”

Winn tapped the spoon against the porcelain of the bowl as he thought. “Could you maybe… stay here? Tonight?”

Smiling, James tapped Winn on the shoulder and stood. “Just let me let Lena know and I’ll get changed.”

After the phone call ended and he was seated on the couch once again with Winn’s head on his lap, James decided with finality that he would always be there for his friend with a heart full of pain and a life full of hardships and that Alex would defiantly be pleased in the morning with all the juicy intel of the night.


End file.
